I was not aware what it feels when you are discussing something with one of the inspirations of your life until I met Mrs. Kajal Oza Vaidya a few days back! I shared the same table with her and also talked about GupShup, which was quite unbelievable for me. She was here to take a session about relationships, in which I was there as a volunteer photographer. And thus, I got a chance to interact with her personally.
I am sure most of you have heard her speeches or read her books. She is a well-known Gujarati author with an extraordinary personality and clearer thoughts. I have heard how fierce she is in her life and what a confident woman she is! And so, I initiated the talk, because I didn’t want to lose this golden opportunity to listen to her thoughts on relationships personally.
The question I asked: For any bitterness in a relationship, how can a person define or balance between; “It is my fault again,” and, “Till when I should adjust/compromise?”
Purpose of the question: We always get confused between feeling guilty and blaming the other person. Sometimes we believe that every time, only and only I do mistakes. And sometimes, we get frustrated and think, till when only I will adjust? Why only I do compromises? When will the other person understand me? So, the purpose of the question is to get some tips to make a proper decision according to the situation so that we can keep our self-dignity without insulting or degrading the other person.
A beautiful answer is given by Mrs. Kajal Oza Vaidya:
After completing my question, first of all, she told everyone that the asked question is a wonderful question and an important one. Then she said that; “We tend to feel guilty when we have shown anger to our loved ones and also feel that it is okay to burst out something which is bothering you inside. But, there should be a proper way. Keep sharing your love.
Don’t list down the things you have given to them, instead, give as much as you can. First of all, change yourself for betterment. It is not about the other people. It is about YOU, YOUR positive thoughts, and YOUR inner self. Self-respect is fine, but ego is not! If the other person is not taking initiatives, you take it! Don’t make issues of forgotten birthdays or anniversaries. Laugh on such things. Don’t wait for them to wish you first.
Believe it or not, such small things, which we didn’t ignore are the main reasons for big quarrels and sometimes divorces. Don’t make life so much complicated. Keep it simple and stay positive towards your partners, parents, children, friends, and even colleagues. If you feel that you are right at your place, then TALK! Be transparent and save your relations.
We think that another person, if he is your partner, then he must know about your likes and dislikes. But, if you don’t want to say anything and expects that he MUST know each and everything about you and your life, then it is not acceptable. Such illogical expectations are your mistakes or even you can call it dumbness. He is not omniscient.
Try to tell the other person that, ‘I do not like it, or please do not repeat it again, or at least try to change it for me!’ etc. Even after telling him about the whole matter, he is still not responding, then you can discuss it again. But not before it as you are not being transparent at all. Actually, we all have started to find chances to hurt the other people, because we all are hurt within, and just can’t let go. That’s why we love it when the other person gets hurt.
It’s all about you…
Trust yourself and keep trusting the other person. Don’t complain about his/her maturity or understandings. It is his/her willingness and choice of life. Improve yourself always. If you decide once that you will always make yourself a better version of you, then it is impossible to distract your mind from any negative matters. In the relationships, friendships, or even in the professional life, you can keep yourself calm and peaceful.
We all should make our inner house clean. Instead of focusing where the other person is throwing garbage, look how you can purify the atmosphere around your ora. Trust within. If everyone decides to follow these things, I believe that each and every inner house will be clean in near future. The other person is messing up and that’s why I have all the rights to mess up my inner self, then there is no chance to keep even a single house clean.”
I hope you like this small conversation of mine with my inspiration. What are your thoughts regarding this matter? Tell me in the comment section given below. I really want to know about your perceptions towards relationships. Stay tuned, and keep sharing your love… 🙂
First all please accept our appreciation for taking such initiatives.
The question you raised is absolutely a nice n important one though many of us don’t give much importance to it or ignore it. As rightly said, if we take all such things lightly then there wouldn’t be any serious issue that will arise.
Live simple and let go attitude will make things simple.
It’s wonderful conversation related to relation..
Actually on last Sunday I got the opportunity to meet one another
good speaker, (Trupti Ben from Bhramakumari….) on session about Relationship.
Trends of relationship and household vessels are running side by side…when we were using copper vessel relationship was very healthy and need to just clean the same,
after that we were used steel product relation ship are slightly weak….may be a chance of vessel de shape if not treated properly…
now time of relation and vessel is just like glass…instant break…and can’t joint again…if may not care properly.
SO two important word for good relation ship are “AADAR” & “KADAR” for each other.
Indeed a good article.. Question raised by you is apt and the answer is above it…efforts done by you to pen down what Mrs.Kajal Oza Mam has said is the real beauty of the entire theme of Gupshup… Indeed one of the powerful, impact full writer, speaker… It seems that you would have a great time.